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i am so flippin glad

Apr. 9th, 2010 | 08:21 am

IT IS FINALLY FRIDAY...


THAT IS ALL......

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(no subject)

Mar. 24th, 2010 | 04:23 pm

Home home home home...i am headed home ....finally

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(no subject)

Mar. 10th, 2010 | 11:11 am

Only in Florida:::

FHP: Driver lacked razor-sharp focus
BY ADAM LINHARDT Citizen Staff
alinhardt@keysnews.com
As authorities nationwide warn motorists of the dangers of driving while texting, Florida Keys law enforcement officers add a new caution: Don't try to shave your privates, either.

Florida Highway Patrol troopers say a two-vehicle crash Tuesday at Mile Marker 21 on Cudjoe Key was caused by a 37-year-old woman driver who was shaving her bikini area while her ex-husband took the wheel from the passenger seat.

"She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit," Trooper Gary Dunick said. "If I wasn't there, I wouldn't have believed it. About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot ... who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, 'Nothing will ever beat this.' Well, this takes it."

If that weren't enough, Megan Mariah Barnes was not supposed to be driving and her 1995 Ford Thunderbird was not supposed to be on the road.

The day before the wreck, Barnes was convicted in an Upper Keys court of DUI with a prior and driving with a suspended license, said Monroe County Assistant State Attorney Colleen Dunne. Barnes was ordered to impound her car, and her driver's license was revoked for five years, after which time she must have a Breathalyzer ignition interlock device on any vehicle she drives, Dunne said. Barnes also was sentenced to nine months' probation.

Barnes and Charles Judy were southbound in her Thunderbird at 11 a.m. when they slammed into the back of a 2006 Chevrolet pickup driven by David Schoff of Palm Bay. His passengers were a man and two women; the latter were treated for minor injuries at Lower Keys Medical Center, FHP spokesman Alex Annunziato said.

Schoff had slowed to about 5 mph to make a turn when the Thunderbird hit him, traveling about 45 mph, which was within the speed limit, Dunick said.

Barnes allegedly drove another half-mile, then switched seats with Judy, who allegedly claimed to be driving, Annunziato said.

"She jumps in the back seat and he moves over," Dunick said. "It was like the old comedy bit, 'Who's on first?' "

Burns on Judy's chest from the passenger-side airbag deploying belied their story, Dunick said. The airbag in the steering wheel did not deploy, he said.

Troopers charged Barnes with driving with a revoked license, reckless driving, leaving the scene of a wreck with injuries and driving with no insurance. Judy was not charged.

Barnes faces a maximum of a year in jail if found guilty of violating her probation due to the wreck, Dunne said.

"My phone has been ringing off the hook all day, and I know there's a funny side to this, but it's also deadly serious. This is a scary road and a lot of bad wrecks are caused by dumb stuff like this," Dunick said. "It is unbelievable. I'm really starting to believe this stuff only happens in the Keys."

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Updated Information....

Mar. 9th, 2010 | 09:53 am

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America ,
Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as 'HILLBILLIES. '

You must now refer to them as
APPALACHIAN- AMERICANS.

And furthermore:

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a
'BREASTED AMERICAN'.

She is not ' EASY ' - She is
'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE'.

She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a
'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY'.

She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a
'PREVIOUSLY- ENJOYED COMPANION'.

She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes
'VERBALLY REPETITIVE'.

She is not a 'TWO- BIT HOOKER' - She is a
'LOW COST PROVIDER'.


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a
'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY'.

He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is
'OVERLY CAUCASIAN'.

He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He
'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS'.

He is not 'BALDING' - He is in
'FOLLICLE REGRESSION'.

He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of
'RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION'.

It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's
'REAR CLEAVAGE'.

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Alice

Mar. 7th, 2010 | 07:55 pm

I went to see Alice in Wonderland yesterday with RHUFF...It was a great movie. Johnny Depp was GREAT...
What surprised me is the number of children that were in the audience..
People this is not really a childrens film.

We saw it in 3D but not much would have been missed if you went to 2D. Not like Avatar.
Take two hours and enjoy

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i did not want to go..

Feb. 9th, 2010 | 07:34 am

Damn i didn't want to drag my butt out of bed this morning to go to the gym..i did..but i reallllly wanted to stay in my warm bed with my fleece sheets

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Dear Live Journal

Feb. 5th, 2010 | 10:29 am
mood: pissed offpissed off

The new ads you now run when i open my LJ...
just so you know...they annoy the crap out of me..
and i will never purchase any product that is displayed in the ads..

soap box back under the bed
wipes hands..

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i am so glad this week is over

Feb. 5th, 2010 | 07:34 am

that is my good news Friday...

i don't have to put up with the grandson...and that makes me happy..
i just have to bake and decorate cakes and deliver..then my time is my own.

I almost took today off..but..alas i had a shipment going out..so i am here

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Happy Happy Happy Birthday

Feb. 3rd, 2010 | 08:08 am
mood: calmcalm

IrishHarpy...
may you cake have no calories,
the icing no fat...
and you get lots of presents
and that is that..

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you are gonna love this one

Feb. 1st, 2010 | 07:56 am

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store.. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know.. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer!
I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business.
What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows..

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows!
OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal.
What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows...

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue'W'.

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers.
What about financial bookkeeping?
You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on 'START'..........

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